Dear Diary,
I don't even know what the hell is up. My best guy friend is like wimping out on me. I don't understand. Before today, we hadn't talked for like 3 days and I bet he wasn't planning on talking to me either. I know a large handful of people will probably go '3 days? That's nothing!' and that may be true, but before he started lacking with his conversations, we had a streak of talking every single day, sometimes twice, sometimes hours on end. This is on facebook by the way. We'd gone through drama, sadness, everything. And now that we have separated schools, I feel like he's trying to throw it all away because we can all admit that after people separate like that, they grow apart. It happens eventually. But I don't need him pushing it away when its unnecessary. All his replies are short now, like 'k' or 'lol' or 'yep'. It's hard to keep up a conversation. And uncomfortable. All the time he's like 'brb' and I'm getting a little pissed. Now he's playing some video game with one of his friends, and as well with the short replies, he doesn't really seem to give a f**k. I casually ask what video game he's playing, and when I ask what it is, he goes 'go look it up.'
Ummm......
Whatever.
So school starts in about 9 days. 9 days til' my first day of high school. Or hell, as I like to call it. Like, literally, when we went to go get the uniform, I cried. Actual tears of sadness. Sucks.
My parents went overseas today for a week, which means that my books still aren't covered, and I'm going to miss out on orientation. The only orientation for high school I'll ever have and I'm missing it. :(
I'm atheist and going to a highly religious school, which makes me want to puke. The fact that they would do something so horrible as force you into another religion disgusts me. Not so much the school, but my parents who are forcing me to go there. I don't get a choice whatsoever. Oh god. I'm trying not to think about it because I might start crying again. I don't mind the other parts of it, like academic classes, or the extracurricular activities, I'm more terrified about making friends and the religion side. I'm really scared. I don't want to go.
But I've promised myself that I will put aside anything in my life except youtube, my admin page and blogging, because in reality those are the 3 things that I NEED. That I really WANT. And will BENEFIT me. Like this blog, it's expressing myself. I know I'm a good writer. I'm not bragging, it's just what I've been told. I can give up writing, tumblr, twitter, facebook, pinterest, that stuff isn't really that necessary. It's NICE, but isn't essential. Of course added on top of the necessary list is family and friends. But like I was saying, I'll put anything aside except youtube, admining, blogging, family and friends to work hard academically. I want a scholarship really badly, and if it's one time in my life to put all my effort in, it's now.
Stay safe.
~Jess
Sunday, 20 January 2013
Thursday, 17 January 2013
Back to school mess - Daily Diary 17.1.13
Dear Diary,
My floor is a mess right now. I'm sorting out back to school stuff because I start high school officially on the 29th!
But seriously, on the floor right now is about 20 excessive books, a plastic bag full of rubbish, an iPad, a jar of coins, a purse, 2 body butters, 3 pairs of shoes, a schoolbag filled with yet more school supplies, about 10 hairties, a bottle of nail polish remover, a nail polish, a massage bar from Lush and 4 rolls of fuzzy book covering.
I tried to tidy my room today, didn't really work, obviously lol.
As for my tattoo quote I want, I'm liking 'One choice' from divergent, shortening of one choice can transform you, or I like 'it takes 10 times as long to put yourself back together as it does to fall apart'. I don't know yet. But I just love the hunger games and divergent. A lot. Oh god. Okay I can't.
CATCHING FIRE OMFG
Phew. Calm down now.
Okay better go.
~Jess
My floor is a mess right now. I'm sorting out back to school stuff because I start high school officially on the 29th!
But seriously, on the floor right now is about 20 excessive books, a plastic bag full of rubbish, an iPad, a jar of coins, a purse, 2 body butters, 3 pairs of shoes, a schoolbag filled with yet more school supplies, about 10 hairties, a bottle of nail polish remover, a nail polish, a massage bar from Lush and 4 rolls of fuzzy book covering.
I tried to tidy my room today, didn't really work, obviously lol.
As for my tattoo quote I want, I'm liking 'One choice' from divergent, shortening of one choice can transform you, or I like 'it takes 10 times as long to put yourself back together as it does to fall apart'. I don't know yet. But I just love the hunger games and divergent. A lot. Oh god. Okay I can't.
CATCHING FIRE OMFG
Phew. Calm down now.
Okay better go.
~Jess
Monday, 14 January 2013
Jobs and mints - Daily Diary 15.1.13
Dear Diary,
My hair decided to be curly today, which is cool, but I'm not going anywhere, so that's lame. My dad gave me a little container of mints yesterday, and I've been eating them non stop.
Here, I have a little 10 second breath test you can do on yourself:
Lick your wrist, wait ten seconds then sniff where you licked. That's what your breath smells like.
I've been pretty lazy lately, just hanging around the house, and sometimes I forget to brush my teeth, or I can't be stuffed, so I just take a couple mints and take the breath test to see if my breath is minty fresh.
School starts on the 29th. I don't like the school I'm going to, but we just got the uniform and I've already been accepted and everything, and I don't have a choice of going or not.
The school also has a scholarship program, so I want to work hard and get a scholarship to a really good American university later on.
I have my life pretty much set out. I'm going to go through high school, then take a 1 year break, go to an American university, get a degree in something as a backup plan, and by that time I'm about 23 ish. Then I come back to New Zealand, go to a good makeup school and do a few courses.
One in Fashion and beauty then a diploma in film, tv, fashion and special effects, then an intro to hairstyling. It's going to take about a year for all of them. It's also going to be really expensive, but it's a good school, and I'm sure I want to become a makeup artist.
I don't really have a backup plan, all I can think right now job wise is a makeup artist, I have no other options or choices right now, really.
I read somewhere that babies born in February(that's me) have a larger chance of becoming an artist when they grow up, so I think that just says something.
I don't know. All I can do is hope that I don't get bored of makeup. Which hopefully won't happen.
See you tomorrow,
~Jess
My hair decided to be curly today, which is cool, but I'm not going anywhere, so that's lame. My dad gave me a little container of mints yesterday, and I've been eating them non stop.
Here, I have a little 10 second breath test you can do on yourself:
Lick your wrist, wait ten seconds then sniff where you licked. That's what your breath smells like.
I've been pretty lazy lately, just hanging around the house, and sometimes I forget to brush my teeth, or I can't be stuffed, so I just take a couple mints and take the breath test to see if my breath is minty fresh.
School starts on the 29th. I don't like the school I'm going to, but we just got the uniform and I've already been accepted and everything, and I don't have a choice of going or not.
The school also has a scholarship program, so I want to work hard and get a scholarship to a really good American university later on.
I have my life pretty much set out. I'm going to go through high school, then take a 1 year break, go to an American university, get a degree in something as a backup plan, and by that time I'm about 23 ish. Then I come back to New Zealand, go to a good makeup school and do a few courses.
One in Fashion and beauty then a diploma in film, tv, fashion and special effects, then an intro to hairstyling. It's going to take about a year for all of them. It's also going to be really expensive, but it's a good school, and I'm sure I want to become a makeup artist.
I don't really have a backup plan, all I can think right now job wise is a makeup artist, I have no other options or choices right now, really.
I read somewhere that babies born in February(that's me) have a larger chance of becoming an artist when they grow up, so I think that just says something.
I don't know. All I can do is hope that I don't get bored of makeup. Which hopefully won't happen.
See you tomorrow,
~Jess
Tattoos and quotes - Daily Diary 14.1.13
Dear Diary,
I know I want to get some tattoos, but I don't know which ones. My friend posted this adorable picture of a tattoo that had an anchor entwined into an infinity sign with the words "refuse to sink" under it, and I really want it, but I feel like I would be copying her. Besides, it doesn't feel original. But that describes me perfectly. I refuse to sink. I've been through a LOT, and I've never sunk. I already know I want to get 'Just Breathe' tattooed on the inside of my left wrist, where the veins are, along with an air bubble or two.
Then, on my collarbone area, pointing toward my heart, I want 2 birds in flight.
I don't want to really go through the meanings, because that's kind of personal, but basically the birds in flight mean love, that's why they are pointing towards my heart, and two, because I have 2 parents, 2 people in a couple, 2 in a best friend type of friendship, 2 is the number for love. So it makes sense to have it pointing toward my heart. If the beaks have a little one inch or so gap, I want the word love in cursive where the birds connect. And as for just breathe, it always bring me back to reality in my darkest times, reminding me to just breathe, and it will all be okay.
I really want maybe one more tattoo, I probably won't be ever getting more than 5 tattoos.
I'm still looking for ideas.
I want something inspired by Divergent or The Hunger Games, but I know it won't be such a huge deal in 30 years, which sucks. I might get a quote from them though, which is different than a symbol or name. Not sure what quote yet, but we'll see. I'll have a look through some of my favourite quotes, then I'll pick one and tell in a future daily diary.
Embrace your time,
~Jess
I know I want to get some tattoos, but I don't know which ones. My friend posted this adorable picture of a tattoo that had an anchor entwined into an infinity sign with the words "refuse to sink" under it, and I really want it, but I feel like I would be copying her. Besides, it doesn't feel original. But that describes me perfectly. I refuse to sink. I've been through a LOT, and I've never sunk. I already know I want to get 'Just Breathe' tattooed on the inside of my left wrist, where the veins are, along with an air bubble or two.
Then, on my collarbone area, pointing toward my heart, I want 2 birds in flight.
I don't want to really go through the meanings, because that's kind of personal, but basically the birds in flight mean love, that's why they are pointing towards my heart, and two, because I have 2 parents, 2 people in a couple, 2 in a best friend type of friendship, 2 is the number for love. So it makes sense to have it pointing toward my heart. If the beaks have a little one inch or so gap, I want the word love in cursive where the birds connect. And as for just breathe, it always bring me back to reality in my darkest times, reminding me to just breathe, and it will all be okay.
I really want maybe one more tattoo, I probably won't be ever getting more than 5 tattoos.
I'm still looking for ideas.
I want something inspired by Divergent or The Hunger Games, but I know it won't be such a huge deal in 30 years, which sucks. I might get a quote from them though, which is different than a symbol or name. Not sure what quote yet, but we'll see. I'll have a look through some of my favourite quotes, then I'll pick one and tell in a future daily diary.
Embrace your time,
~Jess
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