Dear Diary,
I don't even know what the hell is up. My best guy friend is like wimping out on me. I don't understand. Before today, we hadn't talked for like 3 days and I bet he wasn't planning on talking to me either. I know a large handful of people will probably go '3 days? That's nothing!' and that may be true, but before he started lacking with his conversations, we had a streak of talking every single day, sometimes twice, sometimes hours on end. This is on facebook by the way. We'd gone through drama, sadness, everything. And now that we have separated schools, I feel like he's trying to throw it all away because we can all admit that after people separate like that, they grow apart. It happens eventually. But I don't need him pushing it away when its unnecessary. All his replies are short now, like 'k' or 'lol' or 'yep'. It's hard to keep up a conversation. And uncomfortable. All the time he's like 'brb' and I'm getting a little pissed. Now he's playing some video game with one of his friends, and as well with the short replies, he doesn't really seem to give a f**k. I casually ask what video game he's playing, and when I ask what it is, he goes 'go look it up.'
Ummm......
Whatever.
So school starts in about 9 days. 9 days til' my first day of high school. Or hell, as I like to call it. Like, literally, when we went to go get the uniform, I cried. Actual tears of sadness. Sucks.
My parents went overseas today for a week, which means that my books still aren't covered, and I'm going to miss out on orientation. The only orientation for high school I'll ever have and I'm missing it. :(
I'm atheist and going to a highly religious school, which makes me want to puke. The fact that they would do something so horrible as force you into another religion disgusts me. Not so much the school, but my parents who are forcing me to go there. I don't get a choice whatsoever. Oh god. I'm trying not to think about it because I might start crying again. I don't mind the other parts of it, like academic classes, or the extracurricular activities, I'm more terrified about making friends and the religion side. I'm really scared. I don't want to go.
But I've promised myself that I will put aside anything in my life except youtube, my admin page and blogging, because in reality those are the 3 things that I NEED. That I really WANT. And will BENEFIT me. Like this blog, it's expressing myself. I know I'm a good writer. I'm not bragging, it's just what I've been told. I can give up writing, tumblr, twitter, facebook, pinterest, that stuff isn't really that necessary. It's NICE, but isn't essential. Of course added on top of the necessary list is family and friends. But like I was saying, I'll put anything aside except youtube, admining, blogging, family and friends to work hard academically. I want a scholarship really badly, and if it's one time in my life to put all my effort in, it's now.
Stay safe.
~Jess
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